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Archive for March, 2009

Hide my Soul!!!

A faded and worn out smile greets the unwelcome guest. A tinge of worthlessness always lingers in her heart, but the agony of a hunger stricken stomach always overpowers the feeling of this worthlessness.

 

The man looks at her from top to down mischievously. Her entire body squirmed due to the lustful looks in his eyes. The dirty smirk made her felt void and empty. The face came closer and she could feel the abhorring liquor odour. The dirt in his eyes was equally hateful. He came inside and closed the door. He gave a faint look at the vicinity. The walls were dampened and large blotches were clearly visible. There were few cheap posters posted randomly here and there with fair colored women baring all their assets in different positions. There was a strange smell originating from the room. The dimly lit bulb was making the ambience uglier. The disdainful look on his face was clearly speaking the dislikeness of this place. She thought “It cannot be uglier than me, my fate, and my soul”

 

He was in no mood to delay the act and indicated her to oblige him. Moments later she was facing the top wall with him on top of her. Her eyes were staring at the emptiness of the wall. It was like she is getting into the womb of darkness, where there is not a single strand of emotion. She dint feel the strange hands rampaging all over her, she dint even see the face now. There was no smell of alcohol anymore, there was nothing now. Her soul died. But this is not the first time her soul had witness this. Her heart squealed before giving the indication of her dead soul. A tear formed in her eyes but did not struggle to come out. The act was finished, and she stood there without making any attempt to cover herself.

 

After the few aging moments, she finally moved. Seems like she was trying her died soul to come back. She saw the few soiled notes mocking at her. Few notes, very few!! But sufficient enough to buy the first meal of the day for her daughter and herself!!

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Ever thought that when God put obstacles in your life, it also gives you the potential to overcome that!! If not then do think about this intangible phenomena.

Fall back to your childhood days…How did you overcome with your first heart-break. How did you overcome the stigma of being the cynosure of laugh riots. How did you manage to smile even with blooded skinned knees when your father said nothing has happened. How did you come out laughing even when you get the beatings for not doing the home work. The list is endless.

Why don’t we grow with these things in our life?! Why it takes ages to eventually nurse the heart break…why do we walk away in life without managing a smile..why do we end up making more enemies!!! Its time to restore the childhood learning!!

Ever heard about universal truths? Sun rises in the east!! There is one more – everything will happen when it is supposed to happen. But see the paradox of life – even the universal truth is not spared from exceptions! Medical science rules but miracles still happen. No one believes in ghosts but everyone is afraid of it. Everyone wants to be happy but cant see the other person happy. Ha! There are few things for which there is no answer. As no one knows why sometimes it rains even in November. Doesn’t that defy that things will happen when it is supposed to happen?!

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Frieda Pinto dumped her fiancé. Why?! Coz she is a successful woman now and feels her fiancé is not worth in terms of the international fame she is gleefully receiving. Frieda Pinto is nothing to me…but this common occurrence of dumping is so much visible around me.

Every other day I witness this tragedy among my friends. It seems that dumping by the fairer sex is the flavor of the season. One very close friend of mine got dumped by her girlfriend after seeing each other for 3 years for a guy in her office!! Another one got dumped after 4 years only because one day she felt there is no substantial feeling left for him.

The list is not exhausted…one got dumped because she is doing well in professional life and money got better of her mind!! One got carried away in the media industry glamour – partying till wee hours, on the house liquor, cigarettes replacing the smile, dancing with boss…wow..what a terrific advancement!!!

And what is common in all these cases is that the guy had been really committed…only to be at the receiving end!!

The ugly fact of not being remorseful adds to heart-wrenching pain. I asked one of my female friend who recently dumped a very good friend of mine – Why this happened? Tat comes the reply, “Its all kewl buddy..you know..I am doing so well in my professional life and it just happened one day when I woke up, I felt what I am doing with him?! By evening I was sure and I called him up to bid good-bye.” All this while she was receiving instant calls from someone..do I need to say, she was with someone else now.

This conversation reminded me of the movie – Fashion. This dark movie had all the real hard fact of a woman who can’t handle success. I always think that six months of corporate world, six months of fat pay cheques can actually change someone to that extent. The change which I am talking about is the change in the complete thought process, the change in complete mindset you had, the change which changed you the way you were for god-damn 23 years of your life!!! Is six months enough to change the way you have been brought up?! I feel its all getting carried away in the frenziness of money and glamour..

I leave this question to you all…..till how long you will be in this frenziness..for how long you will overlook the real “you”…for how long you will dwell in this myth world of yours…for how long!!!!! One fine day you have to look yourself in the mirror and answer yourself!! What will you do then….let me tell you..dont look into your eyes!!!

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Last night while catching up with one of my colleague over a chilled mug of beer at the roof top of one of the premium hotel, there were several conversations happened which ignited my thinking elements of brain again. May be the ambience, the breezy wind and a slight punch due to the beer would have set the tone of the conversations.

There were several bouts of varied conversations…office..girls…etc etc. Then the conversation moved towards the larger part of life and a very prominent question – why are there too many issues in personal life and no matter how much one’s try, why it propels to professional life?!

What held my interest during the conversation was not the answer to the above question, but the subsequent spilled over thoughts to justify the mishaps happenings in personal life by sharing few stories from bible. I am not a very firm believer of God, but yes I do believe that there is someone somewhere who lays out every single step of us, Call it God, call it “The One Above Us”..or call it anything…but yes there are things which only he can carry out!!!

One of the stories goes like this – There was a very happy go lucky chap who was truly happy and content in his life. Whenever he use to walk, he looks behind and always use to see two footprints. He knew that the other footprint was of God!! God always accompanied him in his happiness and he silently thanked HIM everytime. Then there was sudden change in his life as things started going haywire. He lost too many things at the same time and eventually witnessed the other inevitable part of life – the sadness.

Now, while walking when he looks back, he only finds one footprint. He realized and said it out loud to God that you also left me and ran away during the tough time in my life. You were always there during my happiness. And he lost faith in God. Seeing this, the God decided to silently respond to his losing faith in HIM. The response was “You use to see two footprints during the happy times coz I always walked with you. But during the unhappiness phase of your life, where you are already burdened with despair,  I am still there with you but carrying you in my arms….hence you can only see one footprint and that’s mine.”

I know this is very philosophical and may be the story holds no significant value. But for me it again ignited the already registered mantra in my life – “Sometimes wait and watch is the best route and you have to wait for HIM to shower the right thing for you at the right time”

But somewhere the other side of me pinged me – Are you not becoming too complacent and getting too inclined towards “the wait and watch mantra”?!

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There was something very refreshing in today’s morning. Usually Mondays morning have always been mundane and dull being the first day of the week. But today was little different, and as usual its very difficult for me to put it across the exact reason.  After a long time, this morning made me cheerful.

The day was spent banging my head against my unnerving work, with beautiful strokes of sub-conscious break – humming the “Soniyo” songs almost the entire day J Beautiful song indeed!!

How about going through this small story:

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer of his plans to leave the business and retire. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favour. He unwillingly agreed, but it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and completed the house hurriedly. It was really an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the carpenter finished his work and the contractor came to inspect the house, the latter suddenly handed the key to the carpenter. “This is your house, my gift to you”, he said.

What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.

So it is with us. Each of us is a carpenter. Each day we hammer a nail, place a board, or put up a wall in our lives. Our lives today are the result of attitudes and choices in the past. Our lives tomorrow will be the result of attitudes and choices made today.

I sign-off with these thoughts. But yes, today was an amazing day…without any reason J

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I watched this movie “Catch Me If You Can” few days back. And there is one dialogue in this movie which caught my attention and is registered in my mind. It was so meaningful and so damn correct that its kind of become my tagline these days.

“Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned, but the second mouse, he struggled so hard that he eventually churned that cream into butter and he walked out.”

 And you know what….I am the second mouse…I will eventually walk my way out!!!

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